we have officially lost it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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