you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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