After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
