No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
