the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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