im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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