you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
