I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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