I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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