I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
