you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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