Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize