Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You dont lie about slip and slides
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
