he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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