it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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