Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
