Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
