Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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