Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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