I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
