dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
