After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
