He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
