He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
