apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
