you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's blow job season.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
