Do you still have your period?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
