ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
