ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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