i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
