I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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