She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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