i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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