nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They are going to name an STD after you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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