Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
