its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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