her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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