Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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