she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina is very pro this idea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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