he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
