If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
