i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
