did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
