Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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