Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
