it's not cheating when I paid for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
