dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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