she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
