fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
