halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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