my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
