so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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