I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
