i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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