Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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