There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
