They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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