I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
