11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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