mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
