dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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