I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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