I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my shit smells like andre
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
