I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
