he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
