She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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