how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
