You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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