my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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