So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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