Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
