Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
