I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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