Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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